Contented

Best guy friend

2012-02-12T09:40:00.001-08:00

I wanna be your best guy friend..
Just wanna watch you closely from the side.
Wanna be that someone you can turn to when you re down..
Wanna be that person that you will disturb when you re random..
Wanna be that somebody who you be willing to play confession games woth even after like 20 years later..
Wanna be that hero that protects you from everything..
Wanna be that saint that has answer to all your problem..
Wanna be the one that knows you better than anyone else do..
Wanna be that silly guy that waits for your replies and for you to turn back
Wanna be anything and everything that will make you happy.

Tears of Joy

2012-02-10T21:01:00.001-08:00

I haven't seen your smile for a while.
Your eyes, they re still as mesmerising.
They made me reminisced the good old times; especially when it's at HTA, it made it more nostalgic.
I realised that that feeling of mine for you didn't die as it supposedly should
The anxiety that I harboured when I was hoping for your presence; the excitement that raged through me when you waved and said hi; I knew I missed you.
Now that you have moved on, I'm really happy.
Really happy.
I will treasure the box you gave. It's really cool.
Come back to me.

That's why

2012-01-23T10:24:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry if I made you felt uncomfortable.
Chinese is more that just a language. It's one that describes feelings like no other.
Genuine conversation need feelings and expressions.
And only to someone close to heart , can a genuine conversation be carried out.

2012-01-01T08:25:00.001-08:00

I cried for you every single night when I once called you love.

Forget

2011-10-23T09:38:00.001-07:00

Gonna erase
Gonna remove

Out

2011-10-22T08:27:00.001-07:00

I know I'm out, knocked out.
But I just need another change to prove my worth.
I will learn how to miss you quietly
Cause I know, all I will get is no response when I tell you that.

2011-10-20T08:27:00.001-07:00

I'm so afraid that out of a sudden,
You belong to someone else s jaymann

2011-10-19T15:57:00.001-07:00

看见了，也假装没看见

I need you

2011-10-14T03:48:00.001-07:00

You matter a lot to me
In the wilderness, you came to my mind.
I knew then I miss you.

Very truthful I wanna be

2011-10-04T08:48:00.001-07:00

I wanna text you, I wanna call you, I wanna just appear in front of you and tell you how I feel.
But it's just too irrelevant. It's like, you wanna tell a person you like her when she already has someone in mind which unfortunately isn't you. Like aww, that feeling suck big time.
I know what I can do is too just express my care secretly and quietly and not intrude into your life and further.
Then come this question, am I gonna get married. Yes of course. I have found her but apparently I not her guy. I'm prepared, prepared to not get married and not reconsider other ladies out there.
Silly I'm, but this is what my heart tells me, I feel quite true too.
It's perfectly alright, if we re not gonna end up together, it's perfectly fine, cause it's your life.
Pain, of course will come alongside with such actions, but my main objective isn't to feel pain, but to see you in a state whereby you re happy and I'm satisfied.
I don't blame anyone for what have happened cause this is my choice I have made initially and I will be responsible of it.
Ultimately I'm doing all this not out of attention seeking but the fact that I love you from the bottom of my heart and I will do what it takes, unconditionally.

Marriage action plan

2011-10-04T04:15:00.001-07:00

An 18 year old actually drafted out his marriage action. Sound quite awesome and in end he succeed. He knew he was gonna do it, he saw the end and he planned for it.

Maybe I should plan for a conversation. Sound simpler and doable.

你是我生命中的最舍不得

2011-10-02T18:35:00.001-07:00

Retards

2011-10-02T04:37:00.001-07:00

They re not flexible.
They re not expressive.
They have feelings.
Once they cling onto something, they hardly let go.
They will stick to their words no matter how much adversities there are.
They dont mind waiting.
I'm one of those.

Take it slowly

2011-09-30T06:43:00.001-07:00

If you wanna get over, you will.
Time will help.
If you don't wanna get over, even knowing they person s gonna give up on you, won't help an inch.

Listen to your heart

2011-09-29T07:52:00.001-07:00

Who are they to judge ?
How much have they been through to decide what's best for you.
Make decision for yourself.
There must be reasons why things are happening the way they are.

Shooting stars

2011-09-29T03:37:00.001-07:00

I would wish for another chance

ARGH

2011-09-28T22:56:00.001-07:00

This pc blogger stuff is getting on my nerves, I just deleted one of my post !
Angst much !

Don't ask !

2011-09-26T02:23:00.000-07:00

don't ask me how I know things,
Somethings you don't even I know I'm aware of
I got my ways.
I don't know how to hide my feelings at all.
Doesn't that goes to show something ?

2011-09-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

I have so much to
Let you know.
Only if you have given me the chance to speak.
Very often I find myself struggling internally.
Everything that I have done just seem so redundant.
You always hide your emotions so seamlessly.
On the surface you seem absolutely fine,
Underneath, I guess you're not.
Just then I realise you matter the most,
Apparently you have moved on.
You did ?
Maybe I am just not good enough for you.
Allow me to watch you quietly from the side, will you ?
Nonetheless, I hope you will find happiness soon.
Not forgetting I once crossed your life.

2011-09-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

Update.
I'm so scare to head over to where I'm suppose to tomorrow.
But what to do ?
I don't wanna just hide from the reality.
I will conquer my fears, help you, and help myself too.
It will not be easy, I know, like any other things, it won't be.
But if I don't try, there won't be progress.
I hope everything will turn out fine.
Hopefully.

Mistakes, who never made them ?

2011-08-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

I regretted the very second I sent you the message
I miss you every second ever since
I cried every single night
I will think for days before I actually text you
Everytime it rains, I am worried you might be caught in the rain
I am worried when you don't have regular meals
I am worried when you stay up late and not getting enough rest.
I am worried when you take days to reply
I am worried when you reply with only a word
I am worried when you get so stressed up for tests/exams
I am worried when you don't tell me anything
I am worried what I say might annoy you/ disturb you
Everytime I walk in Woodlands Bus Interchange, I pray really hard to see you
Every Saturday, I will find excuses to go the library, just hoping that I will bump into you
Everytime when I need you, I will imagine you re around.
Everynight I sleep, I will pray to dream of you.
I will try to stick close to my phone just in case you needed me and call/text.
I will make it a point to get people to look after you if possible.
During my scholarship ceremony, I almost cried because you were not around.
Till the very last minute I still hoped you would turn up.
I kept our graduation photo well in my wallet.
Do you know all these ?
Or do you only know, I just someone s just pestering and hoping you can turn back .
I am a human being too,
I make mistakes too,
I feel pain too.
I am a nobody that you just wanna remove from your life.
I know I am pathetic much,
for ego seek, I will exit your life myself.
Doesn't mean I will forget you, just that you wouldn't hear from me anymore.
I am leaving, I am sorry

2011-06-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

I force swallowed a million needles the night before.
Of course it hurts, deep down into the heart.
I am glad you actually answered.
I have no hard feelings for the answer at all..
But I just felt a little disoriented that moment I saw the reply.
So many things went through my mind, and the only question that bothered me was
why took so long a time to give me that reply,
should have done so before everything set roots.
And then I throw the question back to myself and then I found the answer.
And the answer was, I didn't initiated the question earlier.
That brought me to another conclusion that all the miseries, were brought about all by myself.
All in all I am blaming you for not having any reactions, but then i didn't realise that
that was a signal for stop.
I chose to deceive myself, and there I have myself ended in such situation.
Just to end off..
我对你的感情，会像泉涌般的山水绵绵不断。
坐吃山空的你，必有见水干的一天。

Why ?

2011-06-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep
I can't close my eyes.
I can't shut my mind, off you.
I don't know why do I allow myself to be so affected by you.
you matter, you do.
I miss you, I do.
I did change, I did.
Why can't I deserve a second change ?

I'm not drunk.

2011-06-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

Just trying to be a little positive.
I recalled what my primary school teacher used to say,
be it sad/happy, the day still goes on.
Why not be happy, it's easier anyway.
So So So So So So So,
I am not gonna be so hard on myself.
TeeHeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I'm gonna accept more and question lesser.
If it's fate that the both of us are not going to come together anymore, so be it.
As long as you re' happy, fine, living well and no one's gonna get hurt anymore, then great.
I accept.
If adding a little happiness to sadness will make things better, I will.
If cutting off communication will make things better, I will remain like this.
If giving up will make things seem a little easier, I will,
consider.
TeeHee!
P.S. I'm not drunk, just a little too depressed.

I seriously don't know what's going on.

2011-05-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

I got no idea what's going on with me.
I am just not myself after everything.
I am not performing and doing what I am supposed to.
I am getting very short tempered these days.
I flare up so easily.
Maybe it's because of the things that happened recently.
I screw up my 2nd round interview.
I went into the room, everything seemed so stern,
I couldn't express my thoughts well,
I went speechless when those questions struck me.
I am just so afraid I don't get the scholarship.
Because I just can't afford to give it a miss.
I need it really badly, given my current situation.
I suck at handling my friends.
I didn't mean to make you guys unhappy or pissed off.
I am sorry.
I need you. Can you hear me ? Jaymann can you hear me?

I wanna like your status.

2011-05-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

1. How we met:
2. How long ago was that:
3. First impression:
4. What i like about you:
...5. Memorable times with you:
6. Song that reminds me of you:
7. Rate you from 0-100%:

When I saw the status, I actually had the urge to click the "like" button.
Disclaimer : I didn't stalk, I saw it on news feed.
Then I thought again, sigh
So I have decided to answer them myself.

1. We meet during CIBTC 10, during flash's first atc meeting. Outside HTA auditorium.
2. Around 5 months ago.
3. Darn arrogant and hard core.
4. I like the fact that you are caring, that you are always there for me, that you are always so pleasant to be with. You will always make my day.
5.Having meals at that pondok. You gave me that "green apple" tissue cause I dirtied myself. I accidentally insulted you and you got so "angered" that you don't wanna talk to me for the whole day. The time when I told you if the guys don't draw the rations, it will kill our ego, esp mine. The time I taught you how to teleport. The time we prepared for campfire which was the first and only time I looked you into your beautiful eyes for so so long. The time we sat beside each other and started talking when we were not supposed to. The time when I try to get your number from you. The time we chat on facebook. The time we chat over the phone. The time you stayed up for me cause I was sick. The time we sat down during special parade breaks to chat. The time I told you about my dreams. The time we drilled together. The time we work on the admin list in HTA. The time we sat in the pitch dark bus-stop for the bus. The many many times which might seem peanuts to you, is a whole lot to me.
6.Back to December
7. 100%

Hey I am not weak, I just choose to not be too strong, cause it's kinda fake.

2011-05-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am totally speechless, seriously.

I shook my head.

You know something,

when someone decides to walk out of your life.

It time for you to start feeling empty.

What kind of irony is that ?

2011-05-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

I am so disheartened and disappointed,
when I came across this line online.
"I love you, but you’re just not worth my tears anymore."
I don't know whoever the writer was referring to.
But I thought it's a little no link.
If the person he/she's referring is not worth his/her tears,
then it's kinda of obvious that you don't have any feelings for that person already.
Why words must in the way they are, then ?
-
Yes I am not worth it, yes in all, yes.
Why did you actually tell me that you do initially.
When the roots are deep, then you are telling me this.
You should have told me so, when I have done something wrong.
I suppose I have been punished enough for my fault.
-
I gazed at the stars and wonder if we were staring at the same one at the same time
for the same reason.
I REALISE THAT I AM SO ABSOLUTELY WRONG.

Hey joker, shine your torch 45 degrees downwards

2011-05-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

Finally it's over, hope that wouldn't prevent Jason from improving and carrying on.
For the cadets, hope that they will bring home something,
something that's useful to their unit, most importantly their life.
-
Came across the pondok that we used to have our meals during CIBTC.
A lot of fond memories, nearly broke down.
At the foyer while waiting to enter the campfire site,
I recalled what my ATC group did for our campfire performance.
I looked into your eyes.
I still couldn't forget it, and never will I.
I .. you.

Nostalgic

2011-05-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

Back to December - Taylor Swift.
An awesome piece,
that's so close to me.
The melody and lyrics never fail to move me to tears,
regardless listening to it repeatedly.

I have packed up, I will GO.

2011-05-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

I actually thought you will hold me back.
But it's quite clear that I have to leave and go.
I have got the message, I don't know how I got it though.
I will not pester you anymore, I will disappear.
Will most probably divert all my energy to studies and make sure I make a mark.
When you happen to see me on any headlines years down the road,
do remember to tell your children,
"Mummy once did drills beside this uncle, he's one of a kind!"

One day don't annoy me would be fatal is it ?

2011-05-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

I hope I could annoy you once again.
But there isn't anymore chance.
-
How do I tell you, I have changed, because of you.
How do I tell you, you the only.
How do i tell you, I do cry as much as you do.
How do I tell you, your words, do trigger my tears.
How do I tell you, I filled with remorse and regrets.
How do I ? I really don't know.
-
Just tell me to leave your life and I will.
Just tell me you have had enough and I will stop.
Just tell me you don't love me anymore...

These are all the things I wanna tell you,

2011-05-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

我写了很多东西，
可是，我却决定把它们都删了。
我不知道写那些东西有什么意义。
-
我觉得自己变得跟小心了，尤其是在说话的时候。
我非常在乎你怎么看我，并不想在你眼里的我，比以往跟糟。
-
有人说，我变得不怎么爱和他人互动了。
部分的原因是因为你。
我会想很多，都是有关你的。
也不知道为什么那么神经兮兮的。
-
我最不能忍受失去我说爱的人，
尤其还是我自己亲手放弃她的。
就因如此，到现在我还十分的自责。
我也很不甘心，
这段恋情，会有这样的结果。
就因为我一时的做错决定？
-
也许我就是那种不能给别人安全感的人吧。
我也认了，我们俩的感情并不坚固。
所以容易瓦解。
我也认了，我并不是你的男人。
希望你能证实我这错误的想法。
-
如果说这世上能有什么东西能交换，
我愿以我的伤心难过，换你幸福快乐。
-
不管是有一天你是死还是我死。
我最后想对你说的是，
我的心一直跟随着你，我并没停止爱你。

A walk

2011-05-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

I went to Senja for nothing,
but because I couldn't stand it further,
I miss you dearly,
so I followed my heart, and went ahead.
Indirectly rejected.
You know why I ended the conversation,
cause it feels better to not be ignored.
It's also not to waste your texts.
If I could have a heart to heart with you.

Ouch

2011-05-03T22:24:00.000-07:00

:)
I got no idea how should I react or behave.

It's raining

2011-05-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

I need a hug, from someone, especially.

Thanks for the chat that night

2011-05-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

I had a chat with someone close yet far.
She seemed pretty cheerful, or rather over-cheerful.
to the extent that I suspect it might be acted out.
At those moment in time, I felt as though I was reliving moments of my life.
I actually smiled and was happy for once in such a long period of time since the year kicked start.
I knew that was not gonna be lasting.
You made realise something, I weren't forgotten.
That nick name was so unique to you,
we re friends, but I still miss you particularly much.

Happiness-filled

2011-05-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

I am short-listed for the NP scholarship.
I am really thrilled over it.
Have been wanting it all this time.
Will do my best during the interviews.

Grow

2011-05-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

In life, we need to grow.
To grow we need to go through both pain and happiness.
I believe in being positive when you are in pain,
because there's no such thing as being negative when you are happy.
So just feel the pain/ happiness and enjoy life.
Cause there's only 1 time to live.

What will you do if you have got less than a minute to live?

2011-05-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

Came across this real good question while I was face-booking.
I sat down and really gave good thought to this question.
Unfortunately I couldn't make up my mind.
I thought I will do this.
" I will first text her.
xxxxxnn find someone great, can't love you enough this life,
going somewhere far, miss ya.
Then my family. Record it down on my laptop's recorder.
Love you guys so so much, have to go, do take care. "
I will be good at wherever I am

Random

2011-04-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

I went for BP mentoring orientation day camp.
It was not bad after all, pretty enjoyable.
Hope to serve the CCA soon.
People there are really friendly and approachable.
-
If something is not working for you.
Please stop, try other methods.
Because if you refuse, you will still get the same old result.
Understand beats mugging.
From what I see is, you are just mugging for the seek of mugging.
As in once done then you leave it.
Stop all the mugging, understand instead.
It might sounds ridiculous, but it works.
Understand means, you must be able to answer all the "Why"s
that's generated by yourself.
Your future belong to you, no one can help you shape it.
Not even your kins.
It's how bad you want it and how big you wanna make it in life.
It all depends on you and what you do.
Who am I to say what.

Fast & Furious 5

2011-04-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

Watched it,

It was really awesome.

The storyline was fantastic.

Action, thrill, excitement, anxiety, adrenaline-rush, filled.

I strongly recommend to catch it.

"Three were wanted and empty-handed initially,

A whole lot of them went away as pocket-filled free men thereafter."

Fast and Furious 5

2011-04-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

Feel the RUSH baby !

I have got the tickets!

Drift, Blast & Fly!

I am trying to be someone normal, without you.

2011-04-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I am just so abnormal.

There's so many things affiliated to you, my dear.

How do or should I forget or let go.

I have no intention to.

Had enrichment lesson in Ngee Ann this faithful morning.

The lecture, a very military yet aerospace one, caught my attention.

I was so interested to the extent whereby I would want,

to sit there for the entire 3 hours.

There was "practical" on "AR.Drone" by parrot.

It's a quadri-copter, powered by 4 rotor blades.

The fact that it can be maneuver via an iPhone,

It was pure awesome!

I hope to get my hands on the one fueled by gasoline soon.

Am thrilled over my new blogskin.

Haven't changed it for ages.

Talking about blog,

someone shut her tumblur down.

Was really dejected and puzzled.

Jay Jay be back soon.

;(

2011-04-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

I only have a question.

Have you ever spare a thought for me ?

2011-04-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

Really happy today,

My cadet went on stage to get SPF NPCC badge,

was indeed proud of her.

Got to work with many people,

of all ranges, had a great time.

Wen Ting 's juniors will definitely remember the clockwise and anti-clockwise thing.

I realise that things written on her blog is of no relations to me,

I am officially becomes a history character.

Feel darn positive.

I am tired..

2011-04-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

It was only right for the tears to flow and to shut my mouth.
When there’s no more tears, everything will stop and go.
When it’s hurtful, it’s alright to keep quiet. At least no one knows you are weak.
It’s alright to not text, as long as you are not disturbed, will do.
It’s okay to not chat, I know you are busy; there’s nothing much also.
I won’t change my wallpaper, but please erase me from memory if you haven’t
Thanks for the beautiful memories; it’s enough to last a life time.

2011-04-17T15:21:00.000-07:00

Tears rolled down.
I didn't know why.
I saw the GOH.
They reminded me how times used to be.
How I used to unload your magazine.

2011-04-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

Countdown to the day I have to day where I will have to stop deceiving myself.

It's just another day more.

Last night, told buddy about how beautiful the memories were.

She said she approved my silly act - Looking at the pack of tissue paper.

It might look like any other insignificant pack of tissue paper,

but I kept it till now.

The fragrance of the green apple faded...

And like things do, too.

I think all I can do, is to apologise.

"In life we learn lessons, some times we learn it the hard way, some time too late"

-Taylor Swift

I am sorry for hurting you, with a single message.

I am sorry for disturbing you, maybe all the time, with a single message.

I am sorry for intensifying your irritation, with a single message.

I am sorry for complicating your life, with a single message.

I am sorry for stepping into your life, with whatever I have done.

2011-04-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

It hurts more than what you can feel from the surface.

2011-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I thought this video was pretty touching.

Click this link [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEwGcyL8pmw]

I have been expecting things to happen the way I want, all this time.

Maybe it's time I take a step back, just see what's up for me next

Being friends would be okay.

Can't see, can't hear, can't be with you.

As long as I know you are there, you are fine, would be good enough.

ผม รัก เธอ มาก มาก

2011-03-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

I didn't dare to bring this up during the chat.

I will move on, definitely.

You will be my only love, definitely.

Tell me, that you need me, as badly as I need you.

2011-03-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

Hey..

I am going out of Singapore for a while.

Do take good care of yourself, drink more plain water,

like how you used to remind me.

Don't stress yourself out.

Put aside some time for rest.

2011-03-06T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am a liar

I am gonna do what liar does best,

you are completely wiped out of my mind.

You are none other than someone who has crossed my life

I won't cry for you.

you are not important,

I will find someone better than you.

which is to lie. .

2011-03-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

I will celebrate my birthday by myself.

I will make myself available on 1st of November.

2011-03-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

I want to talk to you

but I realise I ran out of topic.

2011-03-02T07:48:00.000-08:00

I didn't turn up today.
I knew it will be unbelievably difficult to say goodbye this evening.
I don't want to.
If I could, I would want to hold you tight.
but it's unfair
and it's too late for my white horse and I ...to catch you now.

2011-02-26T11:36:00.000-08:00

不了情 - 忘不了

I am looking forward to next Wednesday.

Make my way to HTA.

Conversation-less journey.

One man documentation.

Pair documentation.

Dinosaur pencil case.

The sky turned grey.

'mum' came in.

Signed the form.

Discussion outside office.

You went off.

I made an excuse to leave.

Caught up with you.

Pitch dark bus stop.

Milky wave.

I named my star after your name.

boarded the bus.

I don't want the bus to come.

After I alight the bus,

I don't know when will I ever have the chance to

see you again ... ....

2011-02-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Why are you crying ?

No, sand went into my eyes.

Are you alright ?

Yeah, absolutely.

Don't keep everything to yourself, k ?

I hope I could tell her everything.

What do you wanna tell her ?

I am sorry.

Why are you sorry ?

Cause I made her went through whatever I am going through now.

2011-02-21T19:55:00.000-08:00

Back to December.

I haven't seen you in a while.

It's okay to not reply my text, but don't forbid me from texting you.

Dike.

2011-02-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

Burning at the back of your mind.

I am done, hopefully my project could top the class.

Other than that, I don't know what could I actually rely on anymore.

I really need them and you.

I miss you, yes I do, WJW.

Dike

2011-02-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

I am alright, I am fine.

I am okay with whatever you have told and going to tell me.

Has anyone ever told you they lost trust in you, directly or indirectly.

Your world collapse for that moment, isn't it ?

And you will start to question yourself, why ?

What's the cause ?

When you happen to recall what you have done,

you will realise how foolish you were at that moment,

how unreliable was your desired future,

and how you have just let someone, worthy, passed your life.

No doubts, you will want to grab on to that person again.

But it's just simply impossible.

It's like landing flat into a bed of knifes,

with all bones crushed

and all that fills your mind is pain and regrets

when you feel like tearing, you can only fight back,

and say "I deserve it".

I haven been paying enough attention to you, and what you are doing.

Why are you doing these things and so.

Sparks Fly

- I really hope they can fly.

2011-02-19T14:40:00.000-08:00

I sat down and wrote something.
Upon saving it, everything was lost.
Why ?
I was just trying to save everything,
I could.
There won't be a second chance,
I think.
It's kind of hard for her to turn back,
I suppose.
I just took a longer time to sort of my thoughts,
because I'm messed up,
in the end I got a messed up life.

2011-02-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

I am so dejected.
But I was taught to raise up both my hands and shout at the top of lung.
"I AM A FREE MAN, THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!"
I laughed at that during class and thought that was easy.
But then, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Don't go, seriously, I need you.

I am fine even WITHOUT YOU.

2011-01-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

I realised that I am perfectly fine without you

ironically even better without you.

I enjoy the freedom of not being tied down, or anchored to some stupid things.

I felt retarded to just look at things in the frame. I should have gotten out of it earlier.

I used to view things in the way that you don't care for me, you don't like me.

But now, I will just conclude things with the fact that you just don't value me as much.

Coming to think of it, why should i even linger on at the first place.

I am perfectly alright, now, and I believe I will not be affected in future, as well.

I do hope that she can find someone who she really has feelings for.

Talking about school today

I woke up at 8.12 AM in the morning realising that I am superbly late for my tour.

I rushed down to Ngee Ann in a cab just to make it in time for the tour.

In the end I spent a total of $18.35.

I could better spend it in other areas

I messed it up man.

I ran like mad around the campus just to look for my group, I was still kinda late after all.

Okay the tour goes like this,

We have to leave all light emitting devices and valuables into a locker.

Thereafter we did some warm-up exercise.

We have to pair up, one would be blind-folded and the other will instruct the other to draw a given image.

It seemed kinda of easy but, the end product was terrible.

Then we were asked to enter this really really dark room,

you can hardly see a thing, even if you think you can see in the dark

you can't

I shall not carry on with what you will experience in there because words can't describe what was felt.

I just came to the conclusion that visually disabled people aren't weak, in fact they strong, emotionally stronger.

Do drop by Ngee Ann for this brand new and unique experience.

It's called dialogue in the dark, located at block 5.

It's worthy to be blinded for an hour.

2011-01-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Went prawning yesterday.
Have lot of superficial fun, not real at all.
I thought I was alright with everything, even seeing her, I won't be reminded of the memories.
I was kinda wrong, cause the moment I saw her, everything just came back.
I tried not to look at her, distance from her.
It helped but not for long.
She asked me why didn't i prawned, I didn't know how to reply.
I just put the question off with a reluctant reply "I just don't wanna prawn"
Prawning just bring back so much bad memories.
When I am waiting for the prawns, and her text comes in.
I just feel so lousy, it has been so long, and yet she's not moved.

Hopefully I can really forget her, I want to.
she asked me whether will I still join in for future outings. I said yes
But most likely I will exclude myself from it simply by coming up with reasons like I am busy.

Prom Part 1

2010-11-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

Prom.

It was surprisingly well-planned, despite the tight budget.

Attention span of attendees that night was merely long enough to last through a few games.

Programmes

First up was a speech by our very own Vice Principal, Mr Chen.

It goes like "...I demand respect from you (cause the attendee were so reluctant to listen and the started making hell lot of noise)....you can don't remember anything that I have said today but please remember this, succeed can only be achieved if you follow your dreams (and whatever)"

Thereafter was a some games like guessing when the school was established

When did the current principal enter the school

School motto

and the number of clubs in the school.

Something that I felt, was pretty inappropriate

was deciding who to get their serving of food via a competition.

The competition was about guessing respective teacher through parts of their face.

For entertainment seek I think that's still alright but for above mentioned purposes, no.

Childish

2010-11-18T08:14:00.000-08:00

Caught up with some friends, reminded me of the pass.
Reminded me how childish I was, naive.
I thought what I have been doing was appropriate for my age or even more impressive.
She put me down with a word, childish.
My whole world sank.
My insomnia worsen.

Every night I find it immensely difficult to turn in.
Every day, ironically, sleeping will not be the best part.
There is just so much things stuck up there.
Even the songs aren't helping.

I am rushing, I am desperate, I get grumpy when I don't get.
How am I suppose to correctly react, smile as if I am retard who doesn't feel single inch.
Time isn't the factor to measure how one has been moved.

I will practice more self discipline, I guess.
I will run till I am so tired to think of anything else, then turn in.
I will work as if there isn't day and night, pretend as if I have neglected you
I will hold my tears and make sure they only flow under my blankets.
I will not forget whatever impact you have done, in my life

Famous Blogger

2010-10-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

My sister loves to be famous

She loves to come up with sound ideas

which isn't as practical as it sounds.

Finally, one fine day, she came up with a blogger idea

I thought it isn't a bad idea.

So first I am going to sign up for "nuffnang"

but what if I don't hit the required number of hits.

2010-07-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

拒绝是人生必面对的情节，部分。
没想到今天。一切就这么顺水而流的，
我被狠狠地刮了一巴掌。
我只不过知想，有个能够谈心的对象。
很过分吗？这也不能怪，因为这一切没有对错。
虽然没以往那么心痛，但是隐隐约约还是会作痛。
不要想了!
我现在跟vanish说话，虽然在浪费我家的电话费。
可是有中比较放松了的感觉。
每次与她碰面，都有这种莫名的感觉，
就是老是觉得她嫁不出去的感觉。
顿时间觉得自己的生命好像很模糊。
感觉上，目标好像遥不可及。
我相信vanish一点都看不懂我再写些什么，除了这一句话。
该是时候坐下来好好的规划一个更有效，更新得通的新目标。
我一根是朋友却又不是朋友的朋友搬家了。
我觉得我回想她吧。
虽然他对我更握冰一样的冷，始终有点是不变的，
她还是我的朋友，
有难还是会帮，
有富呢，我想他死都不会跟我分享。
这有些凄凉，可这一却都是我愿意的。
上天让我们相遇，那就是我么的一点微薄的缘分。
我必然会珍惜，就算默默的牺牲自我的自尊。
你搬到了那里我不太清楚，但是在我微小的心灵里，
很肯定的，已占有一席之地。
因为你是我的朋友，我珍惜的朋友。
“好笨啊！原来是住院！”
事在人为，后会有期。

2010-07-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

明天就是预考了。
心情呢，有点期待，有点恍惚，有点不确定，还有一些难以置信。
我发现越来越多人很难了解我。
我只是想把自己的想法表达出来，也被他人议论纷纷。
我真的不了解，使他们不够成熟，不明白我的理论，
还是我的表达能力欠缺的离谱。
就算是一点对生活的杂念，也会被人炮轰的我无言以对。
这只是我的感叹，不是什么将输入课本里的教材，
没理由那么计较吧。
我想什么都是假的，只有实在的，看得见，碰得到的--成绩。
嚣张的话就免了，咋们来看成绩。
后会有期.

2010-07-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

I am leaving on a jet plane.
Don't know when I'll be back again.
I must have a target, a aim!
Peter Chao !

2010-07-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

就快要预考了。
心情喜怒哀乐参杂不一。
总有那读不完的感觉。
那种半天掉，空虚的感觉，真地有一些难受。
我身旁有些看似朋友但又非朋友的朋友，
应该把他们称为泛泛之交吧。
生命里随身路过的过客。
他们让人又爱又很。
不知何时该相信他们。
大多时候我都不太喜欢这些过客。
他们都以自我为中心，口蘑横飞，说话不三思，大脑这过滤器，简直就是费的。
以为自己有几分知识，就在那炫耀。
自信心严重过度膨胀。
做人吗，不必这个样子的。
所谓小时了了，大未必佳。
那些酸人的话，请好好的活下来，慢慢收。
需“马克（mug）”了。
晚点在徐小人的下集．

2010-07-04T23:23:00.000-07:00

Haven't post ever since ever-since, I believe no one will be viewing my blog since it's out of order for a unacceptably long period of time. Everyone are expected to forget his blog.
If you don't, wow ! You are hard core ZX fan.
But don't expect anyone to be so out of their mind at this moment of their life if they are taking this coming October's Os.
What gave me the inspiration to blog, first of all my laptop.
It has revived from a major hard-dish crash.
Surprisingly after a replacement of hard-dish of a higher memory space, it showed signs of revival.
Hurray. Not including the times whereby I dismantle the laptop to find out what's stuck in the ass, I have abandoned this crap for almost half a year.
-
I realise how difficult it is when it comes to a cross-road decision.
Either of them looked appealing.
It's really like a "YOU BETTER MAKE A RIGHT CHOICE" situation.
I never thought that it's so complicated and sticky.
I also thought I have a clear goal and I know what to expect in later part of my life.
However "what if" always make me wanna reconsider what I have decided on.
"what if" this this this fail, what's the back-up?
That's what I fear the most.
I don't wanna get caught in a situation whereby I am so lost,
I will need to listen to others and be under controlled.
that will be the worst shit.
I roughly planed,
if can't fulfill my dreams then let the money keeps on rolling.

2010-05-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

I love this !

2010-05-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Alright I am more or less prepared for tomorrow's 1 hour.
I will take 3 minutes to summarize my feelings.
I call myself a moron.
I couldn't get a single person of my mind.
It's been so long, so draggy, so tired.
So much tears, ignore, one-worded reply.
I hate that feeling but that makes me want to get another inch closer to her.
I feel her breath every second though she's million miles away from me
Physically and Mentally.
Her sight haunts me.
I just couldn't get my ass out of this mess.
Even god told me to give up, owing to the fact that it's over.
How can I ...
How can I just ...
Just ...
Someone just wanna grab something out of your life kind of feeling.
It really hurts to give up.
But on the other hand, I know god will say
"go to hell, and stop asking me for advice when you are not considering any of them"
Oh My God.
I just want you in my life, no matter how much I don't value me.
Okay settle, other than my kins, you mean the most.
I am hell not gonna give up on you.
I will just kiss my ass if you are going to get married one day and the guy is freaking not me.
I will be happy.
Happily crying away.
In joy of tears.
For the fact that i wasted my years for you.
Saya mahu tidur.
Walaupun awak tidak suka saya tetapi, saya akan rindu pada awak.
Selamat Malam.
Cinta.

2010-05-08T02:44:00.000-07:00

She never fail to tease me till I blush like I never blush before, my cousin.

0802, she name her friend like this.

Yeah those few digits do ring a bell.

I always pretend as if I don't know who the hell she's referring to.

So what if I know, it would be another 3-4 hours of (relac one corner) before I pick myself up again.

Away from miseries.

Away from those memories she came and left.

Away from those heart aching experience which I fail to "pretend" it away.

I am gonna be rich one day.

I am gonna be dirt rich one day.

I am gonna throw bags and bags of cash into the air.

My bed would be made of cold hard cash.

You are demon !

I have to miss you numerous times a day like how i would chant the number of times a day.

2010-04-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

It's been long since I last posted.

I thought it wasn't a good idea to spend time on blogging, owing to the fact that I have hectic schedule.

But I was wrong, my expressions need a place to let go, my mind need a little rest.

I held back my tears, every time some people say something to put me down.

I wouldn't deny it's not true.

But I will look at a brighter side.

I used to think that people who are optimistic, realistic coward.

Realistic are just realistic, you just have to face it.

I was wrong once again, it's not as easy as said.

It's horribly hard to accept the fact that choosing to escape would seems like a better way out.

Never have been so afraid to make mistakes

Never have I been so intimidate to try.

Never have I felt so hard to raise my head among my peers.

Never have I wanted to give up so badly.

Yes I suck at my English.

So what ! Who are you judge my skills with the standards of yours .

If you were trying to mean to help me,

then I don't think that type of help me do any good.

Anyway the more I look at your face, the more I want to give you a tight slap.

I help because my aim in life is to help whoever who's in need,

who has the right morals,

not because you are a friend of mine.

It's not within my means to control whether I misses someone or not.

Because of you.

2010-03-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

李老师说

打拳最高境界是达到在上场之前，忘了所有的招数

见招拆招。

我先爱人也雷同吧。

当一个人以达到了不知道如何去爱一个人时，

只为那个人而多活一天，

为那个人而多喝一滴水，多饮一口饭，

到了非常忘我的境界，什么都只是发自内心的

那才是真爱。

2010-03-01T17:56:00.000-08:00

Everything ain't what I am expecting.

things are turning against me, results made me felt the worst.

I expected that to happen but not anything lesser than what I expected.

And true enough what I expected did come true.

What I expected, get fairly good results and fail that shit piece of paper.

I am not as intelligent as you who can afford to pursuit your education in Australia.

If i had the chance i wouldn't be in band 3.

Hope you can understand.

If i am bright enough, I wouldn't be where I am right now

I would be in some special school.

A class is a teacher's reflection.

You said I can't even score for a simple summary.

Yes it is simple, but to some moron that need more guidance, do you think that's easy?

You said I am "obviously not paying attention"

But have you paid attention to what I have paid attention to ?

You said if I carry on like whatever way you think , I will fail Os.

what makes you think, I didn't try, I didn't put in effort, I didn't rack my brain for a stupid assignment that is marked above of O LEVEL standard.

Though I banded with people who are not serious and disruptive.

But I am not like any of them.

I value any lesson my senior teaches me.

I do reflect and ask why.

If I could be able to use more of my brain, I would.

Tell me who wouldn't?

If I could have that few seconds to tell you how to help me.

I would not have been looked down.

2010-02-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

Oh please, I am not a toy that will wait for you forever and be there to brighten up your day because I am in Singapore and you are in Malaysia. Please push me away as u like, at least I know you paying attention. I know u don't care, but it matters to me. I may just ignore u and sign-off when I see you appear online on MSN, but I do feel hurt inside. I have endure for very long. Now, I am totally sick for you, I don't just miss you, instead i desire the sight of you. I have admired you in all the ways. But then u made me realize what an idiot I am. Please go take a look of yourself in the mirror. Do you think you are so pretty? Is your IQ so low that you don't know you can just affect other people's emotions as you like? Please. You are disgusting. So what if you have the brains? You have broken my heart. I wonder why guys fall for you. They must be blinded in their eyes. They don't know what a drift wood she can make them into. I have been one of them before. But then u made me fall for you. Please appear, will you. Don't treat me like your dog. Learn to stand in other people's shoes. Dont think I am that perfect, u are my perfections. So what if I am suffering at a corner, aren't you too, maybe being happy at a corner ? What rights do you have to make me suffer so sliently though it was not your fault? What is wrong with liking you than you do? Scared that I will affect you? Then you should rest assure i won't. Please. I don't want to dirty my mouth because of ppl like you. You worth it all. But u should know that you are my dream too. So you are so great or above all. Everything I say might be bullshit. Treat people lesser than how I treat you. Everybody needs respect. Please, treat me nicer or just stay by my side.

This is for you, ZQ. I don't think you will read this. Go on and ignore me, for I have already immued. You should learn how to change your disgusting charm, so that people won't fall for you. Please, thank you.

ADOPTED FROM MISS ZHAO YI LING'S LOUSY, CRITISING,SMELLY, DISGUSTING, EGO-DAMPENING POST TO MR TAN JING. HOPE THIS WILL GIVE THE POST ITSELF A BRAND NEW LIFE, A BRAND NEW LOOK & A BRAND NEW FEELING.

2010-01-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

Why are they having their wedding underneath my block !

This makes me imagine what if she happen to invite me to her wedding.

Should I cry there, not go, punch the bloody groom, graciously give them my blessing or...

I have came to conclusion, I will go but not attend.

I know there will be something missing from my world.

There will be something dangling.

Something yet to be said.

Somethings yet to be done.

Some feeling yet to be expressed.

Some tears yet to be shed.

Some wish yet to come true.

Some stories yet to be told.

I know she wouldn't turn back in the sense that she wouldn't call the wedding off just because of a nobody.

Maybe she wouldn't even invite me,

then things are much easier.

...

Upon being informed, my heart sank, to somewhere.

I though I came back for some break-off vacation.

To hop on down to Jejawi ; where she's residing at.

They are having their big day at La Fa wedding dinner hall.

I stepped real hard on the motorcycle paddle, to ignite the engine.

No matter how many times I tried, it just disappoint me.

Finally I realise the engine is running.

I ride the the bike all the way to the padi field behind my grandma's house.

Along the way, I just stubbornly pump oil into the cylinder.

I know no matter how much I pump, I would never reach the destination I want.

I will never reach the expectation she want, I will never never never.

I think my tear gland knows it too.

The tears just roll away from my eyes.

With the aid the wind, my face is drenched.

I didn't know where I am heading to,

memories just salt my wound mercilessly.

The times at KL ...

The times at petaling streets ...

The times where I go around searching for you frantically ...

The times I wanted to say hi but just didn't have the courage ...

The times you replied unwillingly ; I just said I am going to sleep...

The times I hid under my blanket to convince myself the day where we will come together with tears.

The times where I just miss you so much and couldn't do anything actually.

The times I shout at your picture but you just don't reply.

The times rejected me so badly but I just took it that I am not good enough.

The times I waited for you.

The times I stared at the moon just hoping that you are doing so too.

The times where I am just wondering what are you doing.

The times where so many thing happened.

Surprisingly my bike went along the way to Jejawi.

I just couldn't hold in anymore.

Unfortunately I fell off my bike.

In front of a saloon.

Then a lady came out, she looked so familiar,

I saw her on facebook, she look so much like her.

I recalled ; she's her sister.

She came out of the saloon with her permed hair.

A wedding suit.

In spite the blood oozing out from both my hands and legs, I picked up my bike and went off.

Didn't I want to see her so badly there years,

But why must it be today, this occasion.

It hurts so badly.

she didn't invite me to her dinner.

I went.

The voice of the emcee, amplifier, was deafening.

I stood outside the hall, with every single facial tissue crumpled up.

Buckets and pails of mucus and tears just flow and pour out.

I can do nothing.

I went down to my knees.

A sharp pain penetrated through my cardiac muscles then I felt weak.

My arteries were constricting.

Then I felt so strength less never like before.

I dropped to the ground.

I vividly could see people running to me.

Then I heard "Xiong.. Xiong..."

I knew that was her, that was just the imaginary her.

I ended everything with a scar and a wound that will never heal.

I will wait...

2010-01-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

No matter how hard I shout into the phone,
to her picture, she just won't respond.
Silly me, that's just a picture, image whatever.
But that isn't just a picture or an image.
I tried hard to talk to her, know her, care for her.
All she know is to ignore, pure ignore.
She's famous for her 1-word reply.
So much so that every time, it just shuts my mouth so naturally.
1 month plus of silence, of waiting, of endurance.
1 month plus of not focusing, insomnia.
1 month more to going back to look for her.
Do i actually get to see her, I don't know, maybe she will head for Penang.
Then it's pretty worthless to go back.
Apparently I just want to go back.
Whether a not, I want to go back.
I am idiot, moron, silly, retard, insane, stupid or whatever,
I just wants to get a sight of her.
I can hardly breath anymore.
Where is my soul ?

2010-01-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

Hello, unexpectedly i address like this.

Yi Ling, that girl, she feedback to me.

She said my blog's too abstract.

She couldn't understand it.

I was pondering to myself, it's my blog, it's good enough that I understand it.

But on the other hand, I though,why?

Maybe it really lies within me.

She suggested to write something more cheerful.

From that i deduced that to be cheerful I must be happy.

To be happy I must do something I like.

What I like to happen right now is to have her by my side and get good results

But apparently these are not happening yet.

I think one of them or maybe two of them won't even come true.

How could I be happy ?

I hope i answered, I mean gave her a satisfying answer.

...

It's so far away, i though i could divert my attention to something else but,

I realise i am not discipline to do.

I knew that's not gonna happen but I am still hopping for the best.

What's so best about someone who ignores you, not interested in you,

or somewhat thinks that you are a nuisance.

It seriously break my heart into a million pieces.

...

I couldn't stand it.

2009-12-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

It's somewhere so far away in Perlis.
So close to the ground yet so outstanding.
I have decided to make it true on that night at Petaling Street.
Fake LV, fake eye lashes, make-ups, so real and close to me.
Hair not straighten enough, too short, arrogant outline...
These little little imperfection, made her the apple of my eye.
Her seat is just a couple of meters away from mine.
I just couldn't keep her out of my sight.
The feeling came forward even stronger, when she was not around.
Ouch, I pricked myself, it's painful okay !
But one day it will recover, flawlessly no scars okay !

2009-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

Darn it, road blocks.

Push in my keys, with much effort.

I looked forward with much hope.

Stepped on the clutch, gear 1.

It's not working at all, the car stalled.

NOS 's not working too.

Stop fooling me. I need it to work.

I stared helplessly at the cars speeding pass.

I went down, hood opened.

Wooshed, screwed up.

My GTR-35, skylined.

Why must it be privatised ?

2009-11-05T00:10:00.000-08:00

I am so tired being trapped within.

A1s, being so cold to you ....

I am heavily pinned, with such a great family history, I must definitely do it.

No choice, I have to make it true.

I have no back-ups, I just have to keep moving on, on the right track.

What I can only do is to hope for the best.

I really can't make it to be the man.

For many many things, I have to consider, reconsider and ponder over ponder.

Why must it be me, why am I the one getting the shit.

I really not know what to do.

I just hope for a chance.

It's just so difficult to find one.

皇天不负苦心人

So many times I tried, I am always disappointed without fail.

I can't even handle the dish on my hand well, with what do i have to handle another.

I am sorry if I let you down, but that's what I am facing, I don't want people to get dragged in.

Why wanna eat potato when you have abalone to enjoy.

Forget me I am not worthy.

My heart aches helplessly,

in the mist of loss,

I struggled my way out just to find a way,

I am brutally wounded with expectations,

I am in need of aid but,

the aid apparently is just to hurt me more.

ouch...

Hotmail's running fever

2009-11-02T16:35:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated with what's happening currently.

My hotmail account is not working.

All I want is to view my mails and do all the necessary forwards.

It just refuse to obey.

Refresh after refresh, alt F5 after alt F5.

None of them helped.

I guess I've to turn other alternative,

and true, I went on to Gmail.

Hopefully that's not another hotmail or whatever.

okay.

2009-10-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

the time have come,

I just feel so lousy and useless.

you tell me nothing, make me think that actually you are fine, in actual fact you a not.

what do people look me as.

i don't know.

2009-10-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

Hidden feelings bottomed up my heart.

I just couldn't express them in words, it just filled my mouth.

I can't decicde. I do not know.

Some....

Training In-Charge

2009-10-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

If I have got the chance...

That comes round my mind this few days,

if i have got the chance,

I would want to have a switch in post.

I don't want to become any big shots or whatever.

I just wanna be a small training com member or IC.

I will want to train my cadets into a batch of cadets that will outshine every single UG.

Even the ****.

I will definitely be happy when I see my cadets grow and excel.

I want to get scolding together will them, joke with them, and do everything stupid with them.

I will make sure the chairperson will not be worry over the standards of my cadets.

I will teach them new drills.

I will put into a lot of effort to organise training, extra trainings, know what I wanna teach them.

I will make a good batch of CLs. I will I will I will...

I want my cadets to bad mouth about me and at the end of the day, they will realise that I did all the things all because of them.

I want to stay back after school, do drills with my cadets like how I used to with my seniors.

I will make sure they pass all their test and whatever,

I will make those slackers come for parade.

I will teach them phrase like "wake up your bloody idea / shag right !"

I will want my cadets to hug around me and cry on the day of POP because I am their IC or leader.

I want cadets to come to me and tell me I have done a good job.

I want to smile inside as I spend the last moment in NPCC.

I want, I wish, I will, so much things to expect but yet so far away.

So far so far away. It's like telling you something impossible just to make you happy.

But no regrets, shout will honour, salute with pride.

A dream, A training IC.

失落沙洲

2009-09-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
疲惫的身影不是我
不是你想看见的我
我不是一定要你回来
只是当独自走入人海
除了你之外的依赖
还有谁能教我勇敢

除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱

情人的眼泪

2009-09-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

I realize I am very particular about feeling.
How surrounding treats me and how I treat the surrounding.
I am a easy come easy go person but what about the others ?
You can be commanding them with your bossy tone or what you called strict tone,
and the next thing you know, they would come running to me, this and that.
By the way, you haven't done a good job, this is a hurtful truth that I forgo.

I sat down with a sense of lose of hesitation, whether to head back home or root myself at the stop
I replied CL's question with reluctant, but I am not waiting for the short one.
Wait, pray, played and did nothing.
The foot steps of passer-by that results in the splashing sound of the paddle on the ground,
indicated the time and how I wanted you to appear.
I gazed into the sky, with silence, reflecting.
The raindrops seemed to tell me something, something I have done wrong.
Okay then this group of people just suddenly surround the stop.

2009-08-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Up.

What happened yesterday ?

That was the best thing ever since so long.

I think that's the first time, supposingly.

Shall not talk about what happened before school ended,

cause nothing much also.

after school realise my sec 2s are having initiated training,

that was what i am thinking of the night.

this goes to show, what you dream would come through.

it was superbly windy, though it was good for drilling session.

I miss those times when you know, it's so cold, you do drills together with squad mates

and you don't sweat at all.

But those things are the past.

Something comment on.

Boon Jian, he might be a not so serious leader, but he's got the content within.

Well done.

Kevin, must be more serious, moreover you are going to lead the sec 2 for a longer period of time.

for the sec 2s, it was glad to see that they learn pretty fast and endure through.

cause this's like the first training after the stand down of CCA for such a long period of time.

Then I went to look for her around the school, then guess what,

when I walk out of the area near the UG board area, then saw her walking from the general office way.

we walk the that no one noticed us

we met at the stop near the school gate

together we embark on the journey to this far away land.

there came a guy who accompanied us.

that feeling was uneasy,

thinking if he would let the cat out of the bag,

or build unusal castle in the air.

2009-08-15T18:30:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in front of my white compaq (HP) laptop posting again.
After looking at the reply Miss Teo post, it really struck me.
It is the time to bark up, wake up, pull up my socks, face the reality that I am... weak.
It is no harm anyway, I share look really in depth into my problems.
Woke up really late this morning, or I should say afternoon as it is already 2.

Just went to face book to check out what's new when I saw this note posted out by my primary school peer.
She a pretty expressive lady, and her note was regarding a perfect boyfriend which I do agree with her, it's pretty impossible to find.
But the way she answered the questions, the answers are really hilarious.
I toppled onto the ground and went rounds upon seeing this reply, "if he's not faithful, i will make it a castrato"
That really sound like some pervert who's a guy crazy despo. (no offence)

I think I am going to flunk my common test as usual.
Interpreted the questions wrongly, don't understand a single word from the Malay text.
Worst, teacher went through the questions right on the spot.
My heart really sank.
I wonder why, but mdm baya did brought up that phrase "Zheng Xiong is okay, see how he improved during the duration between the CT2 and EOY last year"
That was pretty encouraging.
Sometimes it's not something you can control or make decisions about.
Imagine sitting for Malay paper, that's really something you can't control.

It's okay, I always tell myself, they are life skills you have to master, not the hard facts you have to memorise.
It's the stupid, arrogant, incapable and always likes to build castle in the air kind of people you have to ignore (or give them a good scolding to just make them wake up but who are they anyway?) and to treat those who gave you a pull and made you a better person, great.

"Though both of us maybe in the relation of "ai mei"
But just bear with it, the time will come where I can announce to the whole world that you are my darling." adopted from anonymous remarks.

Time to watch the news, input time ;)

2009-08-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

现在唯有哭泣的勇气。

只有一字能形容我现在的我。

烂透。

什么都搞不好，什么都做不成。

我真是被压得喘不过气了。

好想就这样疯了。

我做错了决定了吗？

就一定要这样作弄我吗？

什么都没了，真的，没了。

老天为何呢？

是天意吗？

不能，我不能到下。

我一定要爬起来。

我受不了刺激，

我再不嫉妒了，

我真的不会了，

已忘了如何怎么样去爱一个人

我知道那很平常但。。

这时候说会火上加油，在伤口上撒盐。。

好痛好痛。。

我笑是为了掩护

我早就忘了如何真正笑，

真正开心，真正让心笑。

只能用虚假的笑声来遮盖我不开心的面目。

教我，教我如何笑，

如何看开，

如何真的去做个人。

如何以最真，最纯真的感情面对每日的早晨。

我已无法自拔了。

我好想念，好想念，以前。。。

2009-08-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the net when I saw this particular article.

The poor boy, the rich girl, couple?

The story goes like this.

The boy who's really poor studies in this institution same as this rich girl.

They didn't know each other after a very very long time.

Both of them didn't notice each other.

Until the day the girl broke up with her ex.

They started chatting, having really great times together.

The boy was pretty shy when conversing as he was poor and the girl was rich.

Both of them just had the chemistry.

Owning to the fact that the girl is good-looking, she's got a lot of suitors.

The boy knew he could not give the girl any sort of future, and hence he started persuading the girl to go for a better guy.

At that time the boy didn't know the girl likes him.

The boy wasn't able to text the girl as he was really too poor to afford it.

So he decided to write to her.

The boy has made up his mind to give up.

He wrote the last letter.

"Can you be mine, love ?"

He didn't reply to any of the texts, letters after that letter.

Soon the girl lose contact with him and found herself a better boy.

The boy didn't emark on a new relationship whereas to wait.

"Are you willing to wait for me ?"

He did.

The boy read every letter she wrote to him and cried himself to sleep everynight.

What a tragedy.

I would say, hopefully that won't happen to me,

but soon to become.

I realise. . .

2009-08-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

Alright going to post.

What's the feeling when you are on cloud nine.

It's great isn't it. I was on cloud ten yesterday nine.

She told me; "frankly speaking, yes"

that was when I asked her if she've got feeling for me.

It's like she's the first ever girl who say that.

Oh my god, can't believe.

I bit myself and realise I am bleeding, Alright i am not dreaming.

That only goes to say that...

2009-08-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

An evening at T3. These pictures taken by me.

I know they are great. Just some comments.

She's cute, adorable and whatever it's that make you wanna say"OMG, you are so cute."

2009-08-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

RHD part 1

RHD part 2

WARNING: some parts of the video might not be suitable mirrors, so children are advise to watch the video under the supervision of an adult.